Winter blues (and whites)

It is so nice to see the blue sky on this COLD, snowy February day! I love it!!! I can't wait for the warmth of summer, for love and romance as the wedding draws closer. The sun is only flirting with us today. It is hiding coyly behind the clouds and then coming out to shine brightly. I'm not fooled, though. It isn't warm and welcoming. It is 14 degrees out there!!!

So, I am looking longingly for the future. I am so excited to be getting married and heading south. I am anticipating the deep thrills and the excruciating pain as I start the next chapter of my life and leave the only home I've ever known. I am going to miss my family -- that may be the understatement of the year.

I am not going to miss COLD, snowy February days!

Why do I cry???

Ok, I love that God made me an emotional being. I love being passionate about love and compassion and justice and mercy and truth and romance and LIFE.

But, why do I have to cry???!!!

My honey fell asleep watching a movie with me. I sat in the chair watching him sleep on the couch. He is so amazing -- cute, sweet, strong, sexy, creative, passionate, assertive, cute, driven, hard-working, cute (did I mention that one already???!!!), optimistic, thoughtful, analytical, hopeful -- just amazing. So, I began to think about how lucky I am to have him, to love him, to be loved by him.

At the end of the movie, I kissed his forehead and said goodbye. He woke up enough to say goodbye and apologize for falling asleep. I told him that it was ok and that he should go back to sleep. And then I started crying.

Well, that woke him up! He was all nervous that he had done something -- yelled at me in his sleep or something. I kept trying to explain that they were happy tears. That I love him so much that sometimes it makes my heart hurt. After reassuring him again (and again) that everything was ok, I told him to go back to sleep and I left.

I was only home for a minute -- still had my coat on -- when my phone rang. See, he (like most guys) HATES it when I cry. He had to make sure (again) that I was ok.

I love having strong emotions! I love the love that I have for him. But this is one time that I wish I hadn't cried -- My honey just doesn't understand happy, overwhelming love, amazed, ecstatic tears!!!

time for me

Ok, so I didn't really have time for this, but I spent most all of yesterday just having 'me' time. I was already behind on housework (see previous post) and other stuff. But I read 2 novels yesterday, worked out, went to the market with my brother and sister in-law for a 'sausage sandwhich', visited briefly with my little sister, and did the dishes (my one 'had to').

I only got about 5 hours of sleep last night, but I feel more rested than I have all week. Yea! This morning I have completed 3 people's tax returns, including my own. Now I have to pay bills -- YUCK! But, at least I feel productive :)

being tired (all the time)

this week, i went to bed at 8:30 pm (or earlier) 3 times. that is not right!!! i have been really struggling with being tired and trying to get everything done. if i get enough sleep (8-10 hours), i have to go to bed early. i get up at 5 am to work out and then get to work by 7:30 am. i am NOT a morning person. and, if i go to bed at 8 pm, i don't get much done around the house -- laundry, cleaning, etc. plus, if i fall asleep downstairs right after eating dinner, when am i supposed to have quiet time???

this past week, i skipped working out to have quiet time in the morning. i like starting my day in His Word. but i didn't work out at all because i fell asleep so early all this week. last night i got about 12 hours of sleep -- and i already feel like i could use a nap. yikes!

the last time that i was this tired (about 4 years ago), i went to the doctor. she ran a bunch of blood tests and found nothing there. her conclusion was that i was depressed. at that time, it had been a little over a year since my dad had died and the stress and grief may have been catching up with me. even still, i didn't really feel depressed then and i don't now. so, should i go back to the doctor (maybe a different one) and have more blood tests or do i just "tough-it-out"???!!!