isn't it ironic?!

you ask and ask and ask for something. then it finally comes and you either don't believe it, can't receive it, or you just plain don't want it anymore (the latter isn't true at all in this case).

i believe that God is answering a prayer of mine that i have prayed for such a long time... yet, i am afraid to receive the answer i have been looking for. what if i'm wrong? what if He really isn't giving me the answer that i want? what if He does? what if it isn't as great as i think it's going to be? what if it's even better and i can't hold onto it?

i'm a mess...